Herges Moves Closer to the Finish

Special with Max Knoblauch

First thing's first: Playing in Denver is no excuse. From Colorado to the Cape Verde Islands, it doesn't matter where you are, a grooved fastball is gone. Just don't make a habit of it.

Meet Matt Herges, Giants "interim" closer, and bullpen buddy. Interminable closer, more like. In today's debacle at Coors Field he faced four batters, retired none, and gave up four earned runs. Later, he conceded:
"I didn't fool anybody."

That's a pearl, make no mistake. Or rather, make plenty. The round-faced gladiator might have added, in the words of President Bush:
"Fool me once, I'm a fool who can't be fooled again."

So what's the deal? Why has Herges failed so miserably? Why does he look so startling like a LEGO-man? Clue number one: He's a nice guy, and nice guys don't make good closers. Second, he's a converted starter a la Shawn Chacon, not Eric Gagne. Third, and most importantly, he's mediocre.

Usually speaking in strict hyperbole, Herges is a man of few excuses. But that doesn't stop him from using them, ad nauseum. You start to think he not only expects to blow another save but, worse still, he actually looks forward to doing so. With Denver's latest addition to his glowing resume, Herges has surrended a ninth inning lead on seven occasions. Only Danny Graves has more blown saves--or BS--with eight. But he has a total of 36--65% more than the Giant's closer. The secret to Herges' (BS) success? Being full of it. And, of course, telepathy:
"It was just one of those days where they owned me like they knew what was coming."

Admitting that you're someone else's bitch? Clue number four. At this point, we should probably stop counting--although you could instead try to add up the number of Herges' 1-2-3 innings in 2004. One, two, three perhaps? (For those of you who really care, it's four).

For the record, Matt (enough of "Herges") has retired 64% of hitters faced. In 43 oh-so-memorable innings, he has fashioned a delightful 5.86 ERA with 61 hits, 7 home runs, and 26 strikeouts. Opponents are slugging .520 against him. In short, no closer strikes outs as few, or allows as many hits, as does Herges. This is the way things have been. And this is the way things will be.

Unless the management pull their collective fingers out of their collective arses, and get some help. Many teams far better than San Francisco have faltered down the stretch due a lack of an ironclad ninth-inning presence. Herges, alas, is more ironing board than clad. And he'd be the first to admit it. That's the thing about nice guys. Charlie Brown. This time at least, when Herges inevitably comes in last, the joke will be very much on us. He'll go full-time as a columnist with MLB.com. Then I'll go and pitch a no-hitter at Fresno.

The only thing worse than watching Herges, after all, is reading him.